The Secret to Creating a High-Caliber Parenting Plan That Works

How will the age of my child have an effect on the schedule?

Who’s in charge of creating the parenting plan—the parents, or a judge?

What should I include in my custody and visitation schedule?

Is a visitation schedule the same thing as a parenting plan?

What if I’m worried about my (or my children’s) safety around the other parent?

Does a parenting plan address child support?

How can parenting time schedules be built around the specifics of our situation?

… and much more!

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Disclaimer: Nothing in this communication is intended to provide legal advice nor does it constitute a client-attorney relationship, therefore you should not interpret the contents as such.

Steve Altishin
And I imagine flexibility still matters too, even with a detailed plan.

Zach Santos
Absolutely. I always tell clients that the best parenting plans are specific enough to prevent conflict, but flexible enough to allow healthy co-parenting. Life happens. Kids get invited to birthday parties, sports schedules change, school events pop up, parents have travel plans or family emergencies. A parenting plan should provide structure, but not become a weapon.

Steve Altishin
That’s such an important point because sometimes people think the parenting plan is there to “win” against the other parent.

Zach Santos
Exactly, and that’s where people get themselves into trouble. The parenting plan should center around the child’s best interests, not the parents trying to score points against each other. If both parents are generally acting in good faith, there should always be room for reasonable accommodations. But if flexibility becomes abuse or manipulation, then that’s where having the detailed structure becomes important.

Steve Altishin
You mentioned safety concerns earlier. How does that factor into parenting plans?

Zach Santos
That’s a huge issue. If there are legitimate concerns about abuse, substance abuse, untreated mental health issues, domestic violence, unsafe living conditions, or anything else impacting a child’s safety, then the parenting plan needs to address that directly. Sometimes that means supervised parenting time. Sometimes it means therapeutic visitation. Sometimes it means gradual reunification. Every situation is unique.

Steve Altishin
And I assume judges take those concerns seriously.

Zach Santos
Absolutely. Oregon courts are always looking at the best interests of the child standard. Safety is always going to be paramount. But I also tell people that accusations alone are not enough. You need evidence, documentation, witnesses if possible, police reports, medical records, DHS involvement if applicable. The more credible information you have, the more likely the court can craft a parenting plan that truly protects everyone involved.

Steve Altishin
That makes complete sense. Now another thing I know parents worry about is communication. Does the parenting plan deal with how parents communicate?

Zach Santos
It absolutely can and often should. Especially in high conflict cases. You can build in communication methods, like using parenting apps such as OurFamilyWizard or TalkingParents. You can establish timelines for responding to messages, what information needs to be shared, how emergency decisions are communicated, who gets school records, medical updates, things like that.

Steve Altishin
That probably cuts down on a lot of arguments.

Zach Santos
It really does. A lot of conflict comes from ambiguity. If the parenting plan says, “Parents shall communicate respectfully through OurFamilyWizard regarding non-emergency child-related issues,” then there’s a framework already in place. And honestly, written communication through parenting apps tends to make people behave a little better because they know a judge could read it later.

Steve Altishin
That’s probably very true.

Zach Santos
Very true. And another thing that’s important is transportation and exchanges. Who picks the child up? Where do exchanges happen? What time? What if someone is late? What happens during holidays? Again, the more specific you are, the fewer future conflicts you tend to have.

Steve Altishin
I think people often underestimate how many little details become big fights later.

Zach Santos
Exactly. And that’s really the purpose of a good parenting plan. You’re trying to anticipate future conflict before it happens. You won’t catch everything, but you can catch a lot.

Steve Altishin
What about child support? Is that part of the parenting plan too?

Zach Santos
Not technically. Child support is generally addressed separately, although parenting time directly impacts child support calculations. So while the parenting plan itself focuses on custody, decision making, and parenting time, the actual amount of child support is usually calculated under Oregon’s child support guidelines.

Steve Altishin
Got it. So they’re connected, but they’re not the same thing.

Zach Santos
Exactly.

Steve Altishin
Before we wrap up, what’s the biggest mistake you see parents make when creating parenting plans?

Zach Santos
Honestly, letting emotion drive the process instead of practicality. I understand divorce and custody disputes are emotional. They’re deeply personal. But if you create a parenting plan based on punishment, revenge, or fear, it usually backfires. The parents who do best long term are the ones who focus on creating stability, consistency, and healthy routines for the kids.

Steve Altishin
That’s excellent advice.

Zach Santos
And I’d add one more thing: parenting plans are living documents. They can evolve. Children’s needs change as they grow. Schedules change. Circumstances change. So while you want a strong plan now, you should also understand that modifications can happen later if needed.

Steve Altishin
That’s a really important reminder. Well Zach, this has been incredibly helpful. There’s so much more involved in parenting plans than people probably realize.

Zach Santos
Absolutely. But when done thoughtfully, they can reduce conflict dramatically and provide kids with stability and predictability during a really difficult transition.

Steve Altishin
Well thank you so much for joining us today and sharing all of this information.

Zach Santos
Thank you for having me, Steve.

Steve Altishin
And thank you everyone for joining us today. If you have additional questions about parenting plans or family law matters, feel free to reach out to one of our attorneys. Until next time, stay safe, stay happy, and be well.

Outro:
This has been Modern Family Matters, a legal podcast focusing on providing real answers and direction for individuals and families. Our podcast is sponsored by Landerholm Family Law and Pacific Cascade Family Law, serving families in Oregon and Washington. If you are in need of legal counsel or have additional questions about a family law matter important to you, please visit our websites at landerholmlaw.com or pacificcascadefamilylaw.com. You can also call our headquarters at (503) 227-0200 to schedule a case evaluation with one of our seasoned attorneys. Modern Family Matters, advocating for your better tomorrow and offering legal solutions important to the modern family.

Steve Altishin
Well, that's tremendous. And those are in the parenting plan? Or is this something that they're having to figure out on the fly when it happens?

Zach Santos
I mean, most of the plans that I see that come to me, if I'm seeking to modify a plan, they have not anticipated these kinds of things. Right. But yes, with my plans they do. And it's something that is interesting that I try to do when kids are starting to get closer to teen years, when they're a little bit more privy to what they want and which parent that they feel most comfortable with. And then maybe they'll have some say into, Hey, maybe I want to spend a little bit more time with dad this week, or maybe I want to spend a little more time with mom. So that maybe there'll be language about both parents will, when they get to a certain age, both parents will consider the wants, and suggestions of the kids. It's something that must be very clear and no judge will ever order this specific thing, which is that kids cannot dictate parenting plans. A judge will never allow that, parents should never allow that. Kids, when you feel they're good and ready, can weigh in when they're mature, but the kids don't run the show, the parents run the show. But it's best to kind of incorporate what the kids want.

Steve Altishin
Yeah. Another thing I saw on your plan is pretty detailed information on sharing information with each other. Because again, that's one that sometimes, maybe a few years past the divorce, starts to come up. How do you put that in your parenting plan? And why is that important?

Zach Santos
Right. So that's one of the most important concepts to understand, which is that ORS 107.154 and ORS 107.164 mandate that parents need to share these kinds of information documents back and forth, just because let's say the custodial parent, and there's no co-joint in this arrangement. If you're a solo parent, that doesn't mean that only you can look at these documents, and only you can talk to their providers now. Even the non-custodial parent has a right to all governmental documents for the kids, their educational records, to speak with their medical providers, obtain the records. And even to apply to be a guardian ad litem, something like this. Both parents have these rights. And they need to be able to exchange legal documents for the kids, like their passports, or social security documents, discuss any kind of emergency situations that may arise, that's absolutely imperative. You need to talk about the issues that may arise with kids health. What's going on with their home residents, like let's say a parent moves to a different apartment or something, you need to know where the kids living, and what's going on with their educational records. There just needs to be this backend flow and you can't just say well, they can go off and get it. Well, sort of, but no, they're entitled to these kinds of rights. And again, refer to ORS 107.154 and ORS 107.164 for further detail. Yeah, but I build these out for my clients so that they don't have to go do that research, it's right there for them.

Steve Altishin
Right, exactly. It's, you know, a lot of times they say, the devils in the details, and really, the details, if you don't have them down, can cause more problems than the the big ticket stuff. But you did talk about moving, and it made me think about, what if a parent is going to move out of state or you know, from Medford to Portland, is there anything about that in a parenting plan?

Zach Santos
Yeah. So typically, what the bare minimum that you need to put in is, is just capturing another rule. It's ORS 107.159 and ORS 107.164. I just say this now in case people want to go refer to that later, that if they're going to move more than 60 miles radius from the other parent, they need to provide both the court and the other parent written notice at least 45 days in advance of their intent to do so and provide updated contact information and residence information. But that doesn't mean that they could say let's keep going back to this week on week off schedule, that doesn't mean that just because you're moving, you can withhold the child from the other parent. You still needed facilitate all that other child's parenting time. But if you're going to move to somewhere like, let's say California or Washington, it's gonna be very hard to do this. So that's when you need to go back to the court and try to mediation, I prefer to keep things out of court and file a motion to modify the judgment if needed. And then ask for a different parenting plan. I do not encourage people to make an entire new schedule say hey, if I were to move to Idaho, this is what's happening. There's just too many variables there. But bare minimum there needs to be notice of the intent to move and do your best to try to work that out. If you go to court on the matter, it's gonna be expensive and it's hard to win. It's best to settle.

Steve Altishin
Is there anything a parenting plan, or should there be, about, because again, this is an area that comes up, is how much a child can talk to the their non-custodial parent, or the parent they're not with, can they give them a call? And also communication between parents, just you know, can you, if a parent is you think like stalking you, I mean, are there things you can put in a parenting plan to talk about that kind of communication?

Zach Santos
Yeah, I'll deal with child communication first. So courts, this is assuming no safety concerns, courts are going to want to ensure that parents aren't ostracized from the other parents. So even if a child is with one parent, during their set time, the default is generally that the other parent can reach out to the child and contact them. Whether if they have a phone, call their phone, text their phone, or contact the other parent and ask them to share their phone. The contact should be at reasonable times. They can't just pepper them with calls and take up the parents entire time, everything needs to be reasonable, you always need to approach these things with reasonability. But yes, unless you agree, otherwise, you're gonna be able to talk to your child. The bigger issue is communication with that other parent, because sometimes there has been some serious emotional abuse, we see that pretty frequently, and sometimes physical abuse, which is very hard. But if there's no restraining order, there needs to be some kind of communication about exchanges and maybe changes to the parenting time, if there's an issue that comes up or unavoidable delays, something like that. So you build in language about they can only only talk about issues related to the kids, only emergencies related to the kids. Only the kids, and if it ever deviates, then that's cause for something like filing for contempt, filing a specific motion and a separate court case and holding them in contempt. And that can affect parenting time and custody if a parent is just you know, a screw you, and violating the parenting time and parenting plan, I'm going to talk to you however way I want regardless of this court order. Now that's not how it works.

Steve Altishin
Right. And that kind of creeps into involvement in the kids activities, daycare, even kind of how the children what they need to do for exchanges, that whole kind of situation. You have stuff for that in your parenting plan too, don't you?

Zach Santos
Yes, yes, I do. I have language about you can't intentionally schedule activities for the kids, or you with the kids, during the other parents parenting time without their permission. So like, let's say they have regular baseball practice, and you want to sign them up for Little League. So you can you can sign up for a little league, but you need to get the other parents permission because that parent might lose time with the kids and you can't just unilaterally determine what's gonna happen when the kids. Even if you're the custodial parent, you can't take up the other other parents parenting time without their permission. So I include language about that, I include language about who's going to look after the child and the child care. So like something that's happening there is that most parents don't feel the most comfortable when the babysitters are under the age of something around 15 or so. So that there won't be babysitters any younger than that, and whenever there is a babysitter, he'll provide the other parent their contact information name. So just to ensure that everyone's on the same page about who's looking after their child because both parents deserve to know who's looking for their child. I include language about extracurricular activities, which we kind of lightly touched on, but expenses, expense sharing. So if both parents want to agree that, let's say karate, that it's best for to do it and enroll them in karate. If they both agree that that's fine to enroll them in, then they both equally share their responsibilities, but if only one parent wants them to put them in tennis and the other parent is like no, I want to put him in ballet or something. Well, one parent can put them in tennis, one parents can put them in ballet, but the parent that enrolls them in tennis covers all his expenses, and the parent who enrolls them in ballet covers all those expenses, if only one parent wants to do it. That's written into the plan to ensure that that there's no surprises and no kind of jerk moves.

Steve Altishin
Yeah and to let people know, if I'm going to do this then I'm going to pay for it. You know, if we decide we're both going to pay and it just creates so much less friction down the road. But can you do something about, in a parenting plan, ensuring safety in, and I know obviously physical abuse, that's almost another issue, but you know, what about things like firearms or even the disciplinary practices and, you know, druggies who come visit?

Zach Santos
Right, yeah. I'll do my best to be efficient on these things. But yeah, this is something that like, I can maybe touch on in other Facebook Lives, just to kind of gloss over some of these things. Corporal punishment is something it's kind of an iffy topic, especially nowadays. So I usually include language that it's fine as long as both parents agree, both parents need to agree in writing that that's fine. I include language about firearms, and it's fine to safely and responsibly have firearms in your home, but that during your parenting time, they need to be securely stored in a way and absolutely no way for the kids to access them, we do not want a tragedy in our hands. And there needs to be very specific language about that. Sometimes one parent or both have alcohol dependency issues. So I included language, it's pretty strict language. But, you know, sometimes you got to do what you got to do to protect the kids to ensure that maybe your demons don't come back up. So I included language that says no parent can drink during their parenting time with the child. It's just point blank, you can't have a blood alcohol level over the legal limit. So it's just no, can't drink. And you're always going to be stable. You can take your medications, if they're prescribed by a doctor and used as directed. Include language about that. Include language about if anyone who's going to drive the children needs to be properly licensed, and vehicle needs to be insured. Like these are all the kinds of things that just needs to be anticipated. Just quick note on abuse, I've included a paragraph of language about if a child is exposed to any form of physical abuse, whether it's taking it or visually seeing slapping, hitting, or something like that, then you can file a request for a hearing specifically based off of that provision. So you don't have to file contempt, which can take a month or more. You just file a request for a hearing based off of this role. You ask the judge to, well, first of all, you file the request for the hearing and schedule the hearing. And then you ask the court and say Hey, this is what I know about this situation, they were exposed to this. Or hey, I know that this person was drinking, they agreed not to drink or something like this. And then you say, Your Honor, this is my evidence, please make your request, please suspend his parenting and please make it supervised parenting time. Something that the courts in Oregon have a wide swath of authority to do what they want, and what they believe is in the best interests of the child to promote equity.

Steve Altishin
Wow. Again, time flies and we are running out of time, we definitely would love to do this again and talk about maybe even just some of these specific issues and issues on you know, resolving disputes, amending the plans. I mean, you talked about them and how you can do them. But again, I'd like to kind of just talk about this before we go: every parenting plan is going to be different, because everybody's situation is different.

Zach Santos
Absolutely. And that's absolutely imperative, there's no cookie cutter resolution like even the template plan that I mentioned before. It's just something that I've developed in taking pieces from different, very specific cases throughout my life and you're just trying to anticipate issues. That's what you're trying to do, your best. You can't cover everything but you take your plan and you tailor it to what's going on with your specific needs, with what's going on with your child or children, what's going on with you, what's going on with the the other partner Consider safety concerns that you want to build into the plan and I want to reiterate one more time, write down ORS 107.102. Make sure your plans contemplate, at a bare minimum, what's listed in subsection three and subsection four. What they list out is much like what we discussed, residential schedule, holidays, relocation, parents telephone access, these kind of important things make it's almost like a checklist, and bare minimum, you need to have these in your plans.

Steve Altishin
And for any particular situation that we haven't even talked about that's unique, you can make a provision for that which would cover it in a parenting plan.

Zach Santos
Yeah, that's the beauty of settlement. You can get creative and you go to trial if you need to. If both parents can't figure things out between themselves, you need to put it before a judge, and fortunately where I live in Deschutes county, judges are fabulous and most judges throughout Oregon are very good. So you can put it before them, but you're putting the fate of something so precious in the hands of someone who knows nothing about you. So sometimes it's best to to get creative and find resolutions and settlement if you truly believe it's in the best interest of your kids.

Steve Altishin
Yeah, and parenting plans actually help judges to know more about you the more detailed they are. Yeah. So well, we are out of time. That's unfortunate. So Zach, again, bringing your depth of knowledge and really matter of fact, clearness to talking about this. You made really complex legal and situational issues feel understandable. So thank you for joining us today.

Zach Santos
Absolutely. This is a topic that's very near and dear to my heart. So I love to work with people who are watching, if they need help in the future, feel free to reach out, retain me, and we can do our best to work for you moving forward.

Steve Altishin
Exactly. And thank you, everyone for joining us today. As Zach said, anyone can post a question, we can get you in touch with Zach. And if you need to work with him, he can work with you. So for now, as I always say, until next time, stay safe, stay happy and be well.

Outro:
This has been Modern Family Matters, a legal podcast focusing on providing real answers and direction for individuals and families. Our podcast is sponsored by Landerholm Family Law and Pacific Cascade Family Law, serving families in Oregon and Washington. If you are in need of legal counsel or have additional questions about a family law matter important to you, please visit our websites at landerholmlaw.com or pacificcascadefamilylaw.com. You can also call our headquarters at (503) 227-0200 to schedule a case evaluation with one of our seasoned attorneys. Modern Family Matters, advocating for your better tomorrow and offering legal solutions important to the modern family.