Why a Divorce Coach May Be the Missing Puzzle Piece to Your Divorce

• Why Is Divorce Coaching Needed, and Who Does it Best Serve?

• Are There Common Situations that Warrant a Divorce Coach?

• What’s Involved in Divorce Transition Coaching?

• Is There a Best Time To Start Working With A Divorce Transition Coach?

• What Are the Benefits A Divorce Transition Coach Can Provide?

• Can Using a Divorce Transition Coach Help Reduce The Cost Of Divorce?

• …and much more!

If you would like to speak with one of our attorneys, please call our office at (503) 227-0200, or visit our website at https://www.pacificcascadelegal.com.

If you're interested in getting in touch with Mardi, you can do so by visiting her website at https://www.divorcecoach4women.com/

Disclaimer: Nothing in this communication is intended to provide legal advice nor does it constitute a client-attorney relationship, therefore you should not interpret the contents as such.

Mardi Winder-Adams
Absolutely. And I think one of the biggest benefits is having somebody who is not emotionally involved in the divorce, but who is emotionally supportive of you as a person. Because your attorney is there to represent your legal interests. Your family has their own opinions. Your friends often want to tell you what they think you should do. But a divorce coach is really there to help you process the decisions and make sure that you're making decisions that align with your values and your long-term goals, not just reacting emotionally in the moment.

And let's be honest, divorce is emotional. Even if you wanted the divorce. Even if you know it’s the right thing. There are days where you’re angry, days where you’re grieving, days where you’re exhausted, days where you feel empowered, and days where you completely second-guess everything. That’s normal.

So one of the things I do a lot with clients is helping them slow down before reacting. Before sending the email. Before responding to the text. Before making a major decision because they’re angry or hurt or afraid. Because once things are said or done in a divorce, it can be very hard to walk them back.

And I think another huge benefit is helping clients stay future-focused instead of getting trapped in the emotional battlefield of “winning.” Because the truth is, most people who are focused on winning in divorce are actually focused on hurting the other person. And that usually becomes expensive financially, emotionally, and sometimes even physically in terms of stress.

So we spend a lot of time talking about: What actually matters to you? What do you need to feel secure? What kind of relationship do you want with your children? What kind of co-parenting relationship do you want moving forward? What kind of life do you want after this process is over?

Because if you lose sight of that, it’s really easy to get caught up in fighting over things that honestly are not going to matter two years from now.

Steve Altishin
That’s such an important point because people really can get pulled into the conflict. And then suddenly the divorce becomes about the conflict instead of about building the next chapter of life.

Mardi Winder-Adams
Exactly. And one of the things I remind clients all the time is that divorce is not just an ending. It’s also a transition. It’s the beginning of something else. And when people are in the middle of the stress and chaos, they often can’t see beyond the immediate pain.

But eventually this process ends. There will be life after divorce. There will be holidays after divorce. There will be relationships after divorce. There will be financial decisions after divorce. So the question becomes: How do we help you move through this process in a way that allows you to emerge healthier, stronger, and more stable on the other side?

That doesn’t mean it’s easy. It doesn’t mean there won’t be grief or anger or frustration. But it does mean we can approach it intentionally instead of reactively.

Steve Altishin
One of the things you mentioned earlier that I thought was really interesting was helping clients communicate better with their attorney. Because I think a lot of people are intimidated by the legal process.

Mardi Winder-Adams
Oh, absolutely. Most people have never been through a divorce before. They don’t know the terminology. They don’t know the timelines. They don’t know what’s realistic and what’s not. And because they’re emotional, they may not even fully hear what their attorney is telling them during meetings.

So one of the practical things I do is help clients prepare for attorney meetings, mediation sessions, or court-related discussions. We talk through what questions they want to ask. We organize thoughts. We clarify priorities. We make sure they understand the information they’re receiving.

And honestly, that can reduce legal fees because clients become more focused and more efficient in how they communicate with their legal team. Instead of spending an hour emotionally venting to the attorney, which attorneys are not trained to handle therapeutically, we can process that emotional side in coaching and then help the client go into legal meetings prepared and clear.

Steve Altishin
I imagine that probably reduces stress for everybody involved.

Mardi Winder-Adams
It really does. Because the client feels more grounded, the attorney has clearer communication, and decisions can often be made more thoughtfully instead of impulsively.

And honestly, sometimes clients just need someone to remind them that they’re going to get through this. That this moment, as painful as it is, is temporary.

Steve Altishin
That’s powerful. Before we wrap up, if somebody is listening and thinking, “Okay, maybe I need a divorce coach,” what would you want them to know?

Mardi Winder-Adams
I would want them to know that needing support during divorce does not mean you’re weak. It means you’re human.

Divorce impacts every area of life—your emotions, your finances, your parenting, your identity, your routines, your future plans. Trying to navigate all of that alone can be overwhelming.

And divorce coaching is not about telling someone what to do. It’s about helping them navigate the process with more clarity, confidence, and intention so they can make decisions that truly support the life they want moving forward.

Steve Altishin
Well Mardi, this has been fantastic. Thank you so much for taking the time to sit down and talk with us today.

Mardi Winder-Adams
Thank you for having me. I really appreciate it.

Steve Altishin
And thank you everyone for joining us today. Until next time, stay safe, stay happy, and be well.

Outro:
This has been Modern Family Matters, a legal podcast focusing on providing real answers and direction for individuals and families. Our podcast is sponsored by Pacific Cascade Legal, serving families in Oregon and Washington. If you are in need of legal counsel or have additional questions about a family law matter important to you, please visit our websites at pacificcascadelegal.com or pacificcascadefamilylaw.com. You can also call our headquarters at (503) 227-0200 to schedule a case evaluation with one of our seasoned attorneys. Modern Family Matters, advocating for your better tomorrow and offering legal solutions important to the modern family.

Mardi Winder-Adams
Yeah, thanks, dude. That's, that's a, that's a broad question. So I'm gonna give you a broad, like clients to walk out of the divorce whenever that is, if it's six months from now, if it's a mediated settlement, if it goes to court, you know, trial, whatever, whatever has to happen. But what I want them to do is I want them to walk out and say, I have the time to consider my options, I made the best decisions with the information I had at the time, because obviously, things can change, but and then they know that they got the best out of their divorce that they possibly could and on their own terms. I think sometimes after the divorce, people look at other people's divorces and go, Well, why did they get that? And I got this, and how did this happen. And I think if you're comfortable in the decisions, you make you trust your legal adviser, your attorney, you trust your CPA, you trust the professionals that are involved, you can walk out of there and go, I didn't get everything I want, but I got everything I needed. And I think that's that, for me is the key, I want people to walk out a divorce, and not have it destroy the rest of their life. I don't want them to, I don't, I would love to make it so that people aren't going to stay in conflict. And I think sometimes even one person changing how they're responding in a situation, even if both people don't have coaches, if one person learn some conflict resolution skills, or some more effective communication, it's not only going to help them with that relationship, if there's co parenting going on, but it's going to help them in their next relationship. So I guess that's my goal is for people to come out of the divorce, feeling at least as good as they did when they went into it, if that makes any sense. So they feel destroyed and you know, beaten down, just run over by the system.

Steve Altishin
That is, it's, you know, see a lot of clients come out the other end. And in a lot of cases, the the the unhappy clients tend to be quite busy. Who didn't feel like they understood what was going on. And and someone like you is there to do that. And that's, that's pretty cool. So are you but you're not a one time. thing? Is it? It's like I come in, I see you for an hour, and then I'm gone. Are you more? I know you talk about the term transition coach, I mean, are you there, you know, through the transition.

Mardi Winder-Adams
I am. So my the and I'm going to put this out there. There's all different kinds of divorce coaches. So some do hourly sessions, some do just like one time sessions to help you prepare for mediation or you know, a half day or something. My program is a six month program. So what it is, is it's six months of coaching where you have scheduled sessions throughout the month. And then I like to call myself a concierge divorce coach. So you I'm available from you know, regular typical business hours and on weekends, to my clients by text or phone. Or if we need to throw in a zoom session, we hop on a zoom session and talk through things. And it's it's a package deal. So it's not ala carte, so you get which pet to end and you can access those services. So I get a lot of calls Friday afternoons and Monday mornings during child, you know, during the exchanges of the kids where people are like, What do I do now? This is what's happened? How do I handle this? And again, I don't ever tell people we just talk them through it. But I don't know if those one off sessions are is helpful from a long term perspective, but they certainly you know, can help if you've got one specific issue but I don't tend to use those. I tend to do the longer term support So, six months, and I have lots of people that reopen and do it for a full year, depending on how their how their divorce is progressing and where they think they are and what they need.

Steve Altishin
Well, there's so many different things going on. I mean, that makes complete sense. There's, like, you know, there's there's people getting, you know, custody, there's people getting parenting time, there's people getting, you know, property, there's people getting support, I mean, there's a lot and you're, you work on all of those with them, I take, I mean, not just here share, you know, you get the house and you get this or that kind of stuff. Yeah, and

Mardi Winder-Adams
the other thing that I think is really important is, a lot of people assume that going through a second or third marriage, and divorce is going to be much easier, because you've been through it once. I find that's rarely the case. If anything, things tend to ratchet up. You know, especially if the, you know, if there's his hers and their kids, those kind of co parenting arrangements, even during the separation and before the temporary order, how do you how do you manage that? Like, you know, some people are like, Well, I'm not letting that other person take my kids, because they may just take off with them, and they start kind of doing reality checks on it. Is this a real concern? Or is this, you know, is this something that you've contrived? Or how does this look and, you know, so we do a lot of work on that. The other thing I think we do a lot of work on is just regular check in on self care. Because this is a time where, again, you can get pretty easy to fall into bad habits, you know, a couple of glasses of wine on the weekend can if your stress can easily turn into a lot more glasses of wine or other other behaviors that just aren't conducive, you know, maybe you stopped going to the gym, or maybe you stopped doing socializing with friends, you isolate yourself. And those are not helpful when you're going through the divorce, you need to maintain your social interactions, you need to have positive things in your life. And you need to find things that you enjoy doing. Even in the even in the heat of a contested divorce, you have to have a release, you have to have things that are fun, you have to have ways to boost your own sense of self, you can't just, you can't just become the divorce. And unfortunately, I have worked with women who are just consumed by the divorce. And there's men out there too. It's just I don't work with men, so but we're the divorce becomes every single thing. Like that's what they wake up worrying about in the morning. And that's what they go to sleep, when they finally do at three o'clock in the morning, worrying about is what's going to happen in the divorce. And that's not healthy. It's just not.

Steve Altishin
So keeping kind of away from the cliff is a big part of what you try to do.

Mardi Winder-Adams
Mm hmm. And sometimes that means talking to them about hey, is there may be a need for a therapist as part of your divorce support team. And I'm very open with my clients, if I feel that there's a need, you know, I don't again, tell them hey, go get a therapist, and here's her number, what I do say is would this be a benefit to you? And just having that conversation and just recognizing that, you know, hey, maybe this might be something you want to consider. And it is a it is a very valid opportunity to work through some relationship issues. If you're working with a

Steve Altishin
therapist. One of the big issues also that we see is that, you know, clients don't know what to ask. And when they're talking to an attorney, you know, and and they may not ask a question about something that they just don't know. I mean, they don't know what they don't know. Exactly. And and it feels like you what you do kind of helps in that it helps by asking them the questions. They can probably go Oh, yeah, yeah, I do have that question. Right.

Mardi Winder-Adams
And sometimes one of the one of the best questions, Steve, that I do at the beginning of the session is, what are you not certain about right now, at this point in your life right now? What are you not? What are you not certain about? And so it's interesting how sometimes they'll say, Well, I didn't really understand what the divorce attorney said when he said, or she said this, what does that mean? And so then what do you need to know about that? So we talk about those kinds of things. So like I said, my coaching is more situational. Helping people. The other thing we work on a lot is budgeting. So how do you set up a budget? How do you plan you know, now that maybe you're only got one income or maybe access to joint credit cards and joint bank accounts has been frozen or cut off? How do you deal with that? So we worked in practical stuff as well as the more emotional side of the process.

Steve Altishin
The you mentioned that you also talk with people who are We're going to go into mediation. And yeah, there's a lot of people who call attorneys and they don't maybe aren't ready for divorce yet, maybe aren't sure yet. Maybe don't know if they how much of an attorney they need yet. And they, you know, the Dragonwell? Why don't you know if you guys are gonna go go to mediation? And they do. So could I come in to you and say, Look, my attorney says, you know, I'm not hired him yet. But he said, you know, you guys might want to try mediation, can they come to you at that point to to kind of help work through that process? Sure.

Mardi Winder-Adams
And that's, that's another good one is how do you choose a mediator? Because that makes a difference? There's a whole bunch of different styles of mediators. So how do you how do you choose a mediator? What you know, what do you want to discuss in mediation? Do you want to just talk about the viability of the relationship? Or do you want to knock out everything, including the the co parenting plan and mediation? You know, so there's a lot of different things. And being prepared for mediation is critical. Not, you know, knowing what you want to say, I always throw in that that now what now your best alternative to a negotiated settlement, you're your worst alternative? You need to know what that range is, so that you can walk out of there and go, Okay, I did, okay. Because the last thing you want to do is agree to stuff in mediation and then start backtracking buyer's remorse and backtracking because that does create that does create conflict, and it does create a lot of additional as, you know, legal costs. So

Steve Altishin
yeah, and we're, unfortunately, we just zipped to these things. We're running low on time. But one of the things that I think, you know, it's not you're not just another cost, you're not more cost, I think it sounds like you know, you can help reduce the entire cost of a divorce with a lot of this stuff and not, not minimally by not being the person they can talk to about all these questions we talked about, without a lot of words really don't need to be attorney. Question time and, and expensive.

Mardi Winder-Adams
Yeah, and I think I think the thing that I would like to say too, is I don't think everybody needs a divorce coach. So I'm just going to throw that out there. If you are in a pretty good relationship, and things are fairly amicable about the settlement, you probably don't need a divorce coach, unless you're feeling really overwhelmed. But if you're dealing with a difficult partner, somebody with a personality disorder, or somebody who is just a high conflict individual or a very competitive person, or very aggressive in their business dealings, and has to be the winner, having somebody in your corner to help you, how do you talk to that person? How do you navigate how do you set boundaries? How do you create expectations and be able to hold to them throughout the divorce so that like I've said before, you don't feel like you've just got steamrolled. I think that's really, really important. So and that saves you money, because you're clear, you make better decisions, you talk to the you know, you talk to your attorney, you know what to say and you move forward with confidence,

Steve Altishin
high conflict, divorces are so tough and that's exactly what doesn't end up happening. A lot of times, it's just staying settled staying with the ability to make good decisions. You know, your your soon to be ex could be narcissistic, could be just, you know, bullying could be a million things, and that can throw the best of people off. Yes, yes.

Mardi Winder-Adams
Especially, you know, I know narcissistic is a big term now. It's used a lot, but you don't have to be a narcissist to be a jerk, like anybody, Victor, during a divorce. So just, you know, recognizing that you can, you know, as the old saying goes, you can stoop to their level and engage in that behavior, or you can elevate yourself and really model especially if you've got kids really effective ways to go through that situation and come out better as a better person for doing it.

Steve Altishin
Well. We are almost done. And I gotta say, you've done two things today. First, you quoted one of my favorite songs. You know, you can't always get what you want, but you might find to get what you did. Yeah, when you need. You don't have to be a narcissist to be a jerk. That's a great line. I wonder if you have to be a jerk to be a narcissist. But having said that, just something we missed something you really would want as a takeaway as a final thing to say to someone watching today. If you

Mardi Winder-Adams
are concerned about any aspect of your divorce, and you are feeling overwhelmed and distraught, you don't have to do it on your own. There are confidential people who can support you and help you doesn't have to be me. There's a there's a bazillion divorce coaches out there. But please don't don't isolate yourself and just sit back and say, Oh, well, you know, I'll deal with a, I'll deal with it. Once it's over, start dealing with it now take control of it, get comfortable, become confident in making the choices because you're, you'll feel way better when you get through the other side.

Steve Altishin
I love that. I love that. But if they do want to get a hold of you, how do they do that?

Mardi Winder-Adams
Sure. It's go to my website, it's www dot divorce coach for and that's the number for women.com. And there is actually a giveaway. There are 10 questions to ask before hiring a divorce attorney. And there's also a free strategy session if they want to just hop on and have a half an hour conversation with me. No sales involved, I'd be happy to do that. If I can get them over a little hurdle and get them heading in the right direction.

Steve Altishin
No, I love that. That. That that's that's worth its weight in gold. We're unfortunately going to have to close up. Thank you, Marty so much for sitting down today. You know, the benefits of divorce coach is not just always Oh yeah, it's got to be this and you really made it understandable and informative. And so people like me can understand. And that's not an easy thing to do. So thank you.

Mardi Winder-Adams
Thank you, Steve. It's been great speaking with you.

Steve Altishin
Oh, you too. And everyone else, thank you for joining us today. Of course if anyone has further questions on today's topic, you can also post it here and we can get you connected with Mardi. And until next time, everyone stay safe, stay happy, and be well.

Outro:
This has been Modern Family Matters, a legal podcast focusing on providing real answers and direction for individuals and families. Our podcast is sponsored by Pacific Cascade Legal, serving families in Oregon and Washington. If you are in need of legal counsel or have additional questions about a family law matter important to you, please visit our websites at pacificcascadelegal.com or pacificcascadefamilylaw.com. You can also call our headquarters at (503) 227-0200 to schedule a case evaluation with one of our seasoned attorneys. Modern Family Matters, advocating for your better tomorrow and offering legal solutions important to the modern family.